coach conflict debating detail difficult conversations important optimum parties relate relationship resolve respectful today Dec 15, 2021

With Christmas looming ever closer, many of my coaching clients tell me they fear conflict, or avoid conflict, they don't know how to manage conflict, or they're not confident when conflict happens in their life.

A majority of people express some kind of feeling that they don't enjoy conflict, and I don't think many people truly enjoy it. But there's certainly some people that have better tools to deal with conflict than others. So if you’re not naturally gifted with skills in this area, there's ways that you can learn to have difficult conversations, to put your point of view across, and communicate the things that are important to you. Most importantly, learn to communicate directly, in a way that's not excessively emotional.

If you've done any kind of work with a coach before, you'll understand that it's a fantastic opportunity for you to plan and practice some of those difficult conversations. And for you to build up the tools in your toolkit, in order to appropriately address conflict.

The biggest tip I can offer about conflict, is that conflict thrives in the detail. If you're having a conflict with someone, you know that you're bogged down arguing about the nitty gritty details. The way to reduce conflict with someone is to zoom out and view a bigger picture perspective.

When you shift your perspective to “big picture”, that perspective becomes “inclusive”, and other people can relate to it. They have the opportunity to agree, to say, “Yes, we also believe this is an important issue, but we believe that the way to resolve it is different to you.”

Then you can start talking about the importance of the issue, or the bigger picture value of something in your life, without getting stuck down in the detail. That’s when you find common ground, where both parties can relate.   The minute you find that common ground, where both parties connect – you will be in a much better position to begin resolving your conflict.

Conflict is actually a very healthy thing in a relationship.  If you can have a respectful and a fair fight with someone and get to the other side, then you can strengthen your relationship. So you don't have to feel fearful, as though any conflict is going to destroy your relationships. A nice, robust relationship, will be good at dealing with conflict as conflict presents itself.

If you're interested in this and other kinds of mindset tips, we are running a workshop towards the end of January 2022 called “Your Optimum Self”. We’d love it if you can be there. It's about focusing on your 2022 and what it means to be you. During this workshop we audit your wellbeing, and we setup your goals for 2022. So if this sounds like something that you'd like to do, then click here to see details, and register.